
In the summer of 1988 I had just gone through what had been an almost unimaginable transition for me. It's difficult to explain it without it sounding so dramatic, but it was pretty extreme and life-changing for sure. I had just been at the lowest point in my life, and only managed to swim to the surface with the smallest amount of air possible. At the time I was working in an out-of-the-way Radio Shack in a fairly sketchy part of the city. We did very little business but nevertheless, being at work was a haven for me. (Thank you Ralph D.) I was still in pretty bad shape, shaky from my crawl up from the underworld, but one of my co-workers was not much better off.
Henry took a job as a salesman, but he was often late or called in sick. When he did show up, he dressed in a wrinkled suit, a belt that was tied together like a shoelace instead of buckled, and a wide gauche tie. His glasses were a strange configuration of tape, wire and lenses, and his hair was smeared across his head in greasy strips. He shook and stuttered, and was essentially a nervous wreck, but he had the eyes of a seer. And he composed startlingly complex and beautiful modern classical music on the Realistic-brand keyboards that were bolted to their stands.
He became possessed when he played and even when he talked about music, his range of knowledge of the esoteric and the obscure, he possessed an unusual confidence. But he could barely manage to sell a battery to a hard-of-hearing elderly lady. He knew electronic theory and how to take things apart and put them back together, but when he tried to explain to someone how to hook up an AB switch to their VCR there was a palpable confusion in the air.
But the other thing that Henry loved as much as playing and composing was the Estonian composer Arvo Pärt, who work represents some of the most important examples of what is known as mystic or sacred minimalism.
When Henry first played Pärt for me, I was struck by how something so spare could sound so urgent. But it wasn't until I took to listening to it by myself in my own apartment, that I discovered not only a truth about music but something about my own condition as well.
Sometimes we are confronted within ourselves that peculiar ache, not one necessarily born of circumstance, but a longing that it is being hammered to a fine edge on the very anvil of God. We want so badly for it to mean something; the subjectivity of that feeling can be overwhelming. I know this is when I have felt the most alone. We all know those moments when it seems like a song or a piece of music perfectly contains that ache, or the knowledge of who we are at the moment, But with Pärt, I realized that my feeling was a reflection of the music. It is the inverse of solipsism. Instead of my thinking that I created the reality around me by the force of my emotions, my attention was merely a vehicle by which the music could be realized. Without the listener the composition is incomplete. My ability to identify with Pärt was what made the music come into being; the music had not been written for "me," but hearing it helped write the music.
What I couldn't know then was to how much this album was to inform my thinking about what music was capable of for a long time to come. Pärt infuses the spirit of this blog because he is the touchstone for me of how music is the surest way of not turning metaphysics into mechanics. What I mean is that we can engage deeply with spiritual and religious ideas, symbols, rituals, and even liturgy, but that these things are the soul's narration on its journey, not the journey of the physical world through time and space. They may reflect each other, but natural (and even human) phenonema is not a way to measure the metaphysical.
--Avro Pärt: Cantus



